Zombie Attack!

A few days ago, my buddies Jim and Bob passed along this story from NBC 30 about the game Humans vs. Zombies invading Connecticut colleges.

Although most would argue that any sort of zombie invasion would qualify as “Weird News” I didn’t post it there immediately for obvious reasons — it’s just a fun game spreading virally through college campuses, a variation of the old “Assassin” or “Hit Man” role playing-type games that went around back in the day.

Of course, the always-serious Stephen Colbert had his own take on the phenomenon on a quasi-recent episode of “The Colbert Report” [about 3:17 in] —

Those crazy kids! It’s all fun and games until your undead English lit professor is standing over your split-open skull and is casually munching on your medulla oblongata . . .

Of course, like the oh-so-wise Mr. Colbert, I’ve been long preparing for the impending zombie apocalypse. Aside from the canned goods, machetes and stockpiles of assault rifles stored in my concrete-and-steel zombie-proof bunker 200 feet beneath my secret lair that’s beneath my house, I’ve seen pretty much every zombie film from the classic Dawn of the Dead (and its many sequels) to Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead trilogy (which gave the world its much-needed first taste of Bruce Campbell) to the always-recommended Shaun of the Dead and 28 Days Later. And although not a serious zombie flick, Peter Jackson’s Braindead may be the most brilliant schlock horror opus in the history of humankind. (I still contend he should’ve gotten an Oscar for this masterpiece rather than those silly Lord of the Rings films no one saw.)

I’ve also spent copious hours reading and re-reading the works of zombie expert Max Brooks: The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z.

Fortunately, to get the message out to the those being slowly zombified by  their TVs and laptops, a film version World War Z is currently in pre-production with director Marc Foster attached, who has helmed critically acclaimed flicks including Monster’s Ball, Finding Neverland, The Kite Runner and Quantum of Silence. It is scheduled for a 2010 release date, unless of course, the undead of Hollywood get in the way.

In the meantime, from The Zombie Survival Guide, here are “The Top 10 Lessons for Surviving A Zombie Attack”:

1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don’t need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

Anyway, when the undead start crawling across my lawn looking for the braaaaiiiins of my family, I’ll be ready! I can only hope now you will be, too.